Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
