Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
