Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
