4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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