Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
