"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Randomize