my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
