I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
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