Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
