We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
