the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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