I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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