If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
