My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
drinking out of a sandbucket again
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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