I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
