If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize
