True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
