my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Randomize
