Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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