ADVERTISEMENT

• (813): View more from Florida

  I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters

  (1-813): View more from Florida

  What is a male extremity?

  (813): View more from Florida

  i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex

  Fav 35 1040 5003

  share tweet
  

• (416): View more from Toronto

  The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.

  Fav 20 1652 4807

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (602): View more from Arizona

  I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.

  Fav 35 10295 1420

  share tweet
  

• (845): View more from New York

  i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out

  Fav 3 3241 1015

  share tweet
  

• (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget

  Fav 8 2566 1204

  share tweet
  

• (519): View more from Ontario

  I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training

  Fav 12 3565 2223

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (413): View more from Massachusetts

  FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.

  Fav 8 1425 985

  share tweet
  

• (870): View more from Arkansas

  I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.

  Fav 12 1537 775

  share tweet
  

• (206): View more from Washington

  She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..

  Fav 3 827 810

  share tweet
  

• (910): View more from North Carolina

  Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up

  Fav 5 503 886

  share tweet
  

• (615): View more from Tennessee

  Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?

  Fav 2 501 671

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.

  Fav 2 980 459

  share tweet
  

• (612): View more from Minnesota

  ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT

  Fav 5 244 416

  share tweet
  

• (775): View more from Nevada

  yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.

  Fav 0 47 11

  share tweet
  
ADVERTISEMENT

• (913): View more from Kansas

  I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock

  Fav 0 25 20

  share tweet
  

Randomize