marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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