im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
