just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
