for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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