just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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