I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
