Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
