I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
