so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Randomize
