Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
