hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
