mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
