So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
