Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
