Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
