im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize