shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
