so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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