Are we in a gay sports bar?
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Randomize
