He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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