I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
