im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
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