I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
