Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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