Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize