Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
