Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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