You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
