I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize