Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize