I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
