We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
