Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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