that's an acceptable place to lick
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
