I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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