a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
