The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
