You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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