I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
