I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
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