i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize