we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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