All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
