Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
