I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
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