I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
