I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Oh god it's open bar.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize