ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
