are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Dick very happy bro
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
