if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
