that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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