Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Randomize