If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
