I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Randomize
