You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
