What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
