She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
