woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
