It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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