My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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