so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
