I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
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