Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
that is very illegal...i love you.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize