if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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