you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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