I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
