Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
