even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Randomize
