I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Sorry about my life...
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
