Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
