I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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