worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
