I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize