stop calling my apartment porn island.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
