I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
