You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
