u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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