Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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