your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
