I hate all girls vehemently.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
I just gift wrapped bread.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
