legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
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