get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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