Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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