This house was built for laser tag.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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