not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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